We Had The DTR Talk And I Chose To Stay Single [Swipe Life]

There’s a tired old stereotype that women want their partners, namely their male partners, to commit, and they are willing to play games to make it happen. But the idea that all women are eager to settle down and get married — or at least DTR right away —  could not be more misguided. Not only are more women than ever single, but many are flying solo by choice.

It makes sense. Our ladies are content and fulfilled without being in a romantic relationship, so why would they settle? When it came time to make the call, these five women were more than happy to press pause.

Mackenzie, 31

“After wasting years on guys who’d talk over me or minimize my goals, guys who visibly squirmed during a relationship conversation or ghosted the moment I wanted to know where we stood, I found someone who… wasn’t like that. Unfortunately for him, my desires had changed. I’d spent so much time compromising for the wrong people that I ran out of energy to compromise at all. I wasn’t entirely sure why I’d started seeing him except that we did get along so well. But at the time, I didn’t want to feel tied to someone and feared my identity might be subsumed into a relationship. When things got to the point where he was pressing me to make us more official, I caved and said, ‘let’s just be friends.’ The only person I was really invested in romancing was myself.”

Amma, 21

“I came out as bisexual in January, though I identify as a lesbian now. That month, I met a girl on Tinder who was extremely eager to date me. We went on one date and made out, and then she pursued me, hard. Although she didn’t go to the same college as me, she memorized my schedule so she knew when to contact me. She was under the impression that if she acted like she was my girlfriend, I would eventually believe she was and go along with it. I didn’t want to commit to her because I had just come out and wanted to explore my sexuality out in the open — before, I would date girls secretly. I told her she was doing too much too fast, and she said she understood. We talked about it twice, but she didn’t change at all, so I just eventually blocked her. It worked, and I never heard from her again.”

She was under the impression that if she acted like she was my girlfriend, I would eventually believe she was and go along with it.

Rose, 28

“I met this guy on Tinder a few months after I’d gotten out of a five-year relationship. I was probably rebounding a little, but we hit it off after drinks at a place near my apartment. We hooked up on the first date and started seeing each other a few times a week, even though I told him I couldn’t have anything more than a friends-with-benefits arrangement. I genuinely liked him as a friend, but he always wanted more and would keep checking up to see if I’d changed my mind about a relationship. I could tell the situation made him upset and, after a couple of months, he abruptly broke it off and said he couldn’t keep sleeping with me if I wouldn’t settle down. He almost immediately blocked me on social media, and we haven’t talked since. I hope he finds what he’s looking for.”

Martha, 22

“I really liked this guy, and we really hit it off right before I moved across the country. I was willing to do long distance and felt very passionately about it. He wasn’t ready to commit, so I sucked it up and moved on. Months later, when I was already over it, he decided he was ready to do long distance and started begging me for another chance. He said he would move to be with me, and I obviously said that seemed like a bad idea. A part of me hasn’t wanted to let it go, but I’ve officially rejected the idea, not so much because of his timing, but because I’m only 22, and it all feels too serious.”

Carolyn, 27

“I started seeing a guy at the end of July. The first date was great, and so was the second. Then, my good friend visited me, and she and I took a trip to Atlanta and Asheville. The whole time I was gone, the guy was texting me constantly. Most of it was innocuous and fine but still incessant. One night, he started texting kind of incoherently about how strongly he felt for me even though we had only gone on a few dates. I was totally freaked out, but I didn’t want to tell him that over text. When I got home from my trip, I met up with him and suggested we just be friends. He then texted me how badly he wanted to kiss me! So I blocked him and have not seen him since.”

Originally written for Swipe Life: CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY. 

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